I know this blog is for the 666 league, but I need to vent here first. If it walks like a chicken, clucks like a chicken, smells like a chicken and tastes like a.......OK forget the tastes like.... it is a CHICKEN. And, by GOD, that wonderful catch by Calvin Johnson was a CHICKEN. After a drive like that how in the name of justice, freedom and the American way can a ref POSSIBLY call it incomplete....incomplete? INCOMPLETE????????? If there was ever a city, a fan base, or a team that deserved that call on the field to be a touch down it was then. It was that play. It was that catch. Let the replay guys in the booth make the technical call and reverse it. Let the idiots who come up with these rules defend it. But the guys on the field, the ref's in the trenches could have, damn well SHOULD have, called that a touchdown. Alas, as is becoming so common now, they went by the book, watched their backs, abandoned their freedom and pushed the decision to the booth. Since when has calling a play in the NFL required an expert rules official to be on the staff of a major network so he can explain in idiotic, bureaucratic and down right un-American language, how that wasn't a touchdown. I swear brothers, if you need an example of how stupid this country has become it was beautifully demonstrated by that call, and the call upstairs and the defense of the call etc, etc, etc. Almost makes me want to quit watchin football. Especially after two college kids dropped the ball on the one yard line the Saturday prior and no replay took it away. Boy am I pissed. But, enough of that rant - on to the recap of week #1!
The Bitch Slap......
Talk about one sided. Talk about unfair. In the biggest ass kickin since the US (and allies) invasion of Iraq, Boof absolutely destroyed Bloody. Boof won this game with two hands behind his back - Brady in the right hand and Forte in the left. I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE the Patriots. They dump players at will and still win. How could a good liberal like Boof have his starting QB be part of such a blood thirsty outfit like them? Add those two guys numbers up and Boof has the win locked up right there. Bloody lost his QB early (damn), and Moss couldn't even catch a TD to help negate Brady. This one was over before it started. Better get a QB Bloody - I have two pretty good ones............First Bitch slap of the year goes to Bloody, and it is bloody well deserved. Final Score - Boof Licks 131, Bloodypulp 49.
And the winner is - not Arian Foster.
You pick up a no name second team RB that only the most geeky fantasy owners even know about. Your a savy manager and start him on a hunch. You hope for a double digit game with maybe a cheap touch down. But what do you get instead? The best opening game performance by a running back since OJ in 1973. Arian Foster. Arian who???? Lets hope he doesn't drive a white Bronco. But even with a stunning 40+ performance from this unknown stud, Badgers, you still almost get Bitch slapped. Schaub (only the best QB in the league last year), wins against the colts but still sucks compared to Rivers, who loses to the Chiefs (the Chiefs!), but out scores Schaub by 14 points. Dragons may have the best team in the league this year and shows it week 1. Chris Johnson (computer pick), Miles (no longer Miles Who?) Austin (computer pick) and the NY Jets defense (you guessed it -computer pick) back up Rivers losing effort and dominate the Badgers. Badgers started slow last year, but finished strong. Just like my Beavers this year. Final score - Red Dragon 128 over Badgers 91.
We know its Football season when...................
Bingo wins his first game. He has Cutler (really), He has Nicks (top 100 receiver for sure) and he has the only player ever who can say he was a FORMER Heisman trophy winner (Bush). Hell, OJ killed his wife and didn't have to give back his trophy. In fact, I think he sold it and went to jail trying to get it back.........The only thing I can say about this game is Bingo wins. Even if they HAD given Calvin the TD he so righteously deserved it would not have changed the outcome. I wasn't sure who Thrombic Acid was (or what the hell it is) until I saw the score. Then BINGO - it had to be Bingo. Eli and the aging wide outs Boldin and Ward played well for the Blokes - but not well enough to cover the others. BallBlokes team is better than Thrombic Acid on paper - but thats why you play the game. I bet a dollar to a donut that Thrombic doesn't cover the century mark again this season. Wait - I take that back - its Bingmans team which means they will win until late in the season. Final Score - Thrombic Acid 100 over BallBlokes 75.
Sex is better than Football.........
At least I hope thats true for MeSoHorny. This was not really as close as the score indicated, but not because MeSoHorny doesn't have a good team. Charles nice TD run on Monday night made it much more respectable, but his QB couldn't even out score Romo, who lost to the Redskins (Native Americans if you are sensitive). Missiles had a nice balanced attack this weekend - nobody dominated, but all contributed. Nobody, that is, except for Wes Welker. Wes has always been a possession receiver, but on Sunday he turned into a TD machine - which was good for Morning Missles. You know things are going your way when Floyd outscores Andre Johnson on a day when the Texans score 34 points. Brees will score you points before its over Horny, but he will also give you lame weekends. Hopefully for you he doesn't lay an egg during the playoffs. Final score - Morning Missiles 96 - MeSoHorny 75
Corn on the..............
Kolb. His name is pronounce COBB. It is spelled KOOLLLLB. Should make him the next Favre, which is pronounce FARV, but is spelled FAVra. Well, if one game is any indication, this boy ain't no FAVra. Kolb got a concussion fairly early in the game, but didn't show much prior to the injury. My man Chad Johnson had a great game, which very much helped Hemorrhoids stay in one of the closest match ups of the weekend. Best did great, but AP didn't perform as well as I expected - so in the end it came down to two matchups. Peyton - I will soon be the highest paid player in the NFL, versus the aforementioned Kolb and the Arizona defence versus the SF 49ers defence. From a purely fantasy football perspective I loved the fact that Indy trailed the whole game, because then I knew Manning would score for the Mac Attack. I was worried about the vaunted 9er's D against what was suppose to be a cupcake Hawks team, but had no need to worry. This game was won by the manager - I started Manning over Rodgers (not that big a deal - though Rodgers was my #1 pick) and dropped the Indy D to pick up the Cardinal D. Those two moves won the day for me, and damn if I am not proud! Final score - MacAttack 89 over Hemorrhoids 78. As you said, you do need a QB - I got two son, so make me an offer!
And down the stretch they come...............
I love match ups that come down to the Monday night game, and this one did. It really shouldn't have been that close though. OldSkoolers got all of 0.70 points from that vaunted young savior of the Jets - Shonn (Shonn? SHONN?? - its spelled Shawn) Greenn who managed to make LT look like he was 23 again Even worse he got a big fat Goose egg from Sims-Walker. If you draft a Wide out with two names you should get two times the points, which Skoolers did - two times zero is still ZERO! On top of those two tremendous efforts, Skoolers got 6 points from Joe Flacco. Joe Flacco would be a great character on the Saprano's or Law and Order, but doesn't do much as a Raven. So how did OldSkoolers win? First Deathpanels has an offensive starter that plays for the Jets, which is - well, kind of offensive to use the word "plays" when your talking about the Jets O. Second, he bought in on all the hype (including mine) about CJ Spiller. Third - FAVra played like he ws 42 years old. Even with all of that the Commish had an outside chance on Monday night - especially when that other offensive offensive player from the Jets (Green) laid an egg in the early game. All that was needed was a GREAT game from Antonio Gates - which he almost got. One more pass, late in the game, corner of the endzone and the Commish pulls it out. Sorry to rain on your parade Death Panels, all I can say is Scoreboard. I think if you get beat by less than two points and the opposing team has a starter (not injured) who throws in a GOOSE egg you should get a fine........what say you Commish? Final - OldSkoolers 80 defeats Death Panels 78.
There you go boys and girls (and Bingo) - the first week is over. As I predicted half the league is undefeated and half are looking for thier first victory. I wonder what happens next week...............
Squiggy
Ok. Its more fun when you comment. Now as the wife, I get to comment all the time. Y'll just don't hear it at the other end.
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